50 After 50 Read online

  A treatment feels like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through and around you. Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and feelings of peace, security and well-being. Many have reported miraculous results.

  Reiki is a simple, natural and safe method of spiritual healing and self-improvement that everyone can use. It has been effective in helping virtually every known illness and malady and always creates a beneficial effect. It also works in conjunction with all other medical or therapeutic techniques to relieve side effects and promote recovery.16

  I was dubious at first, but became a believer as I allowed myself to be more open to new ways of thinking and released myself from the social contracts in my past. I learned how to do Reiki for healing myself and others, including my dog.

  My dog broke his leg as a puppy. After a rigorous fetch-the-ball session and when it is raining, he limps on that leg. After I massage his leg and perform some Reiki on it, he seems to be able to put more weight on his leg. He certainly likes the attention from me.

  I made a little sign out of driftwood I found on the beach that says, “Good vibrations only.” Reiki raises my vibrational energy. If I believe it to be so, it is—at least for me. Perhaps it is only a psychological effect. The mind-body connection has been studied and publicized.17 So if Reiki affects me positively, I welcome it. I did not have a good experience trying acupuncture, though I know many people who have found it helpful. We each have the ability to find what feeds us. If we never try, we will never know.

  There are many layers to Reiki practice, and I know I only have scratched the surface. Reikiinfinitehealer.com has been a helpful resource for me to learn more about Reiki’s healing properties and how to use it in my life. This website offers free courses on various levels of Reiki.

  Have you ever tried a Reiki session? There are Reiki practitioners throughout the United States now, as well as Reiki training centers. Many yoga studios offer Reiki training. Such training also is prevalent online and in eBooks. What do you have to lose by trying a session?

  34. Random Acts of Kindness

  Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you.

  —Mother Teresa

  I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I often did things for others because I wanted them to like me. I believe now that that need arose from not liking myself. I twistedly believed that if others liked me, the self-hatred within would dissipate.

  Now I practice random and anonymous acts of kindness more often. I learned to give without needing anyone to know or thank me. I have encouraged my children to at least do this on Easter, since we are not typically together at Easter anymore and it is a positive way to share in the blessedness of the day.

  I do enjoy demonstrating love through my cooking food for people. The difference is that pre-50, I wanted people to think I was like Martha F****** Stewart via my elaborate creations and carefully crafted presentations. I used to follow recipes meticulously, without trusting my tastes or instincts. No longer.

  I also engage in pro bono legal work. The sad fact is that a large percentage of our population cannot afford lawyers. Our country’s legal system provides attorneys at no cost only in criminal cases in which a defendant cannot afford one. Frequently, a civil problem a person is having can be solved with one letter from a lawyer. I do what I can.

  Another healing practice I try to follow now is never gossiping and steering conversations away from gossip. I attempt to adhere to Eleanor Roosevelt’s proscription that “great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” I try to keep my discourse infused with positivity.

  What skills can you share? Anyone can provide words of encouragement. Spreading kindness does not have to be complicated.

  A couple of my friends volunteer teaching English to those for whom English is not their native language. Some of my friends started giving circles to pool money to help individuals and nonprofits in need. One of these giving circles, “Womenade,” gives small gifts to help individuals get to medical appointments, or funds for security deposits so they can move into subsidized housing, or even to get dentures so a person can more easily secure employment. It is not difficult to start one’s own giving circle. Womenade has a how-to section on its website.18 I held a one-time pot luck supper where each attendee brought a check for whatever amount they chose and a dish to share. It was a small effort with a real impact on people’s lives. With our funds, a neighbor who is a volunteer doctor at a homeless shelter was able to help individuals obtain lifesaving prescription medicine, bus fares to job interviews, and down payments on low-income housing units.

  We all can at least strive to make this world a bit better by sharing our time, talent, and treasure with others. There is a globally recognized World Kindness Day each year on November 13, which was started ten years ago by a collection of humanitarian groups under the World Kindness Movement umbrella group.19 The World Kindness Movement seeks “to inspire individuals toward greater kindness and to connect nations to create a kinder world.” I certainly want to be part of that, especially in the current political climate in which greater and more violent hatred has surfaced. If we all do our part in practicing kindness, we can elevate our society and ensure a better environment for future generations.

  35. Higher Power

  It was clear to me, as I glanced back over my earlier life, that a loving Providence watched over me, that all was directed for me by a higher power.

  —Hans Christian Andersen

  Trusting in my Higher Power came with various degrees of difficulty for me. The hardest part for me was trusting that my children have their own Higher Power, which is not me.

  I would die for my children. When they were little, I could largely protect them from harm. They grew into responsible adults and yet I find myself infantilizing them with my mama bear tendencies. I do tell them every day (via text, mostly) that I love them, because I will never know when my last day will be.

  My daughter calls me every weekend, which I so appreciate. My son receives an allowance from me. If I do not hear his voice via a phone call, he does not get his allowance. If I did not employ this carrot approach, I doubt I would hear from him.

  Instead of futile attempts to control my adult children’s lives, I have learned to pray instead of attempting to fix things. I “hold a place” for them in my consciousness and send them positive energy. I practice the pause when talking to them and, through this, generally get to learn more about their lives.

  I still worry about my adult children, and probably always will, but I try harder to remember that whatever happens is not in my control. They each live in cities far from mine. One is traveling around Asia; the other is in a theater conservatory in the Northeast. I think about them every day and have worked hard to consciously shift my thinking from needless worry to trust in my Higher Power. I strive to consider my life as a symphony and not let any one part of it get too loud in my consciousness.

  I have family members and close friends who are alcoholics, and I experience profound sadness when they hurt themselves with their addiction. My 12-step program tells me that I cannot help them until they are ready to seek help. They must reach their own “bottom.” Watching someone I love on their way to their bottom without doing anything—detaching with love—is the hardest thing I have ever done. I pray every day that those bottoms are not death. I have lost many friends to this disease.

  Have you been successful at letting go? I know that worry is a waste of energy and has deleterious effects on my health. But as we say in recovery, we strive for progress, not perfection. And I am moving in the right direction.

  If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in
worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.

  —The Dalai Lama

  36. Raising My Spirit

  You are a spiritual being having a human experience.

  You’re not a human being having a spiritual experience.

  —Deepak Chopra

  “Do you have a photograph of yourself at age seven?” a spiritual advisor who had been recommended to me asked. I froze. “Why?” I stammered.

  “I am feeling something traumatic that happened to you when you were seven years old. You need to nurture and forgive that little girl. Having a photograph of yourself at that age in a place you will often see it will help you heal.” I marveled at her skills as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

  At age seven, I was inappropriately fondled by someone close to our family. It happened more than once. It was confusing and I did not know what to do about it. I knew it was inappropriate, because it was done surreptitiously. But I did not tell anyone for almost two decades.

  My spiritual advisor intuitively knew what had happened and helped me heal. I keep the childhood photo on my desk.

  My spiritual advisor and I worked together mostly by phone because of the distance between us. Initially, the advisor’s ability to know what was bothering me without my telling her was chilling, but it became comforting and helpful.

  My advisor also supplied me with insights on parenting my individual children, in ways I do not believe I could have found without her. She was instantly in tune with their personalities, without ever having met them. She even helped me develop scripts I used for a couple of challenging conversations I needed to have with loved ones.

  She helped me trust myself more. I slowly have learned to trust my gut instinct. Many in this field say that we all have intuitive powers that are especially strong when we are children, which then dissipate if they are not exercised and honed. Toltec Shaman and bestselling author don Miguel Ruiz20 maintains that we allow the world to impose judgment into our psyches and, as a result, lose some of the gifts with which we are born, such as powerful intuition and a sense of wonder about the world.

  Another friend of mine, Jessica Epperson-Lusty, describes the need to trust our own inner guidance:

  If we do not become conscious of what distorts our perception of our circumstances and our relationship with our intuitive guidance, we continue being led by external forces that may not support the expression of our authentic gifts, our soul’s fulfillment, and evolution in this life.21

  Jessica uses a holistic approach to provide individuals with guidance along their paths of personal empowerment and enlightenment. She hosts workshops, retreats, yoga sessions, and JourneyDance events in her healing pursuits. I so admire her work in helping others evolve, and hope to attend one of her retreats in the near future.

  I am, I know, lucky that my spiritual advisor was not a charlatan. It is supremely important to get personal recommendations before embarking on a path involving a spiritual advisor. I once met a tarot card reader in Georgetown who tried to get me to pay her thousands of dollars to help heal my bloodline. I was in such a bad place that I considered it for a long time before declining.

  There are many types of spiritual guides. Mine calls herself, among other things, an intuitive consultant. She says, “As an intuitive consultant, energy worker, healer, and spiritual development teacher, I use my (clairaudient, claircognizant, clairsentient, and clairvoyant) abilities to discern the information I receive. I ask to serve as a healing instrument for the highest and best good of each client. I ‘tune in’ and the authentic journey begins.”22

  In the Catholic church, and other places of worship, there are spiritual directors available. This is, of course, a different approach, but also helpful to many.

  My spiritual advisor has given workshops about harnessing our personal power, which I have been glad to attend. She also has opened my mind to angels. She told me that whenever I see a feather, my guardian angel is with me. I now notice hundreds of feathers, some in unlikely places. And every time I see one, I smile. They show up seemingly when I most need the reminder of feeling protected.

  I am more open to the idea of prior lives—that we are at our essence souls having human experiences, perhaps numerous times. I am open to many new possibilities.

  Although it took me a while to begin working with a spiritual advisor, I admired several friends who did, long before I took the plunge. Such advisors seemed to help these friends to overcome some significant hurdles in their lives and to live in more grounded ways.

  I was a bit anxious when I first called my spiritual advisor. Since she was a clairvoyant as well, I worried that she would read my mind and sense my thoughts. And the Catholic prohibition embedded in me regarding belief in the work of clairvoyants as a form of false god worship had given me pause as well. I still have skepticism but, like everything else, I take what feeds me and leave the rest.

  Is seeing a spiritual advisor or spiritual director something you are open to trying? Or, if you have never consulted a counselor or therapist, would you be interested? Opening up to another person can ease our burdens and provide new dimensions of looking at our lives. Just telling someone else about anything bothering you can lighten its effect on you and make you feel that you are not alone in whatever the matter weighing on you may be.

  • 10 •

  Thrill-Seeking Ventures

  We are not dead yet! Who couldn’t use a bit of excitement in their lives? Excitement helps us to remain vibrant and interesting (most importantly, perhaps, to ourselves). Remember the feeling of adrenaline coursing through your veins? It makes you stronger and faster, and makes everything seem more vivid. Maybe it is not something I want to experience every day, but bursts here and there are like cardiac revival paddle shots to my being. I consider exciting adventures to be a sort of defibrillation from mediocrity, complacency, and even despair.

  I know that I am physically unable to do some of the things I could do even a decade ago, when I ran marathons. My knees sometimes hurt when climbing stairs. But I am not giving up.

  Madonna is in her late 50s. Meryl Streep is in her late 60s. Cher is in her late 70s. Are they leading sedentary, staid lives? No. Why should we? We certainly do not have to. Even former president George H. W. Bush marked his 90th birthday by skydiving. I could do that! But since I do not know whether I will live to age 90, I may as well do it now.

  I have many more exhilarating plans for myself, like getting my scuba certification so I can dive deeper than the shallow resort dives I have been lucky enough to try. Here are a few possible ideas for your consideration. At least they may inspire ideas that fit your unique personality.

  37. Wind Therapy (Or, What It’s Like to Pretend to Be a Hells Angel)

  On a cycle the frame is gone. You’re completely in contact with it all. You’re in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming.

  —Robert M. Pirsig1

  Much to my children’s horror, I learned how to ride a motorcycle and got one of my own. I told them they were welcome to do the same after they turned 50. I wanted to try something daring, and this definitely was outside of my comfort zone.

  There were classes offered at the local community college and at an area Harley-Davidson dealer. You know which location I chose. There was only one other woman in the class I took. The rest of the students were burly, tough guys, and one cop in training. One guy dropped out, stomping away after he flailed off the practice course while attempting a turn.

  I was shaking a little the first time I got on the bike. It was so heavy that it was hard for me to hold it steady when I came to a stop. It definitely was easier to ride than to stop or stay still on a motorcycle. These Harleys had roll bars on their sides so that, if dropped by a student, the bike would not get damaged (and our legs would not get crushed). I dropped mine twice while practicing on the course. But I p
roudly passed the three-day course and went straight to the Motor Vehicles Administration to get my motorcycle license. Shortly after that, I bought a small used motorcycle, a Suzuki 350. I may get a Harley after I have more experience riding.

  Wind therapy. I now know what that means. Being on a motorcycle on a country road with the wind on your face and the sun at your back is therapeutic. I imagine sailing and other sports can have this effect as well.

  One of my favorite authors, Ann Patchett, observed that “people are more than willing to die on motorcycles because for that moment . . . they are truly and deeply alive.”2 I have learned, however, that she does not endorse motorcycle riding, by any means.

  I feel fierce and alive on a motorcycle. Being in a car has become somewhat like watching a moving television screen for me. When I get on a motorcycle, or even a bike or scooter, I smile at the unfiltered beauty around me and the sun warming my arms.

  Each time I mount that rumbling 500-plus pounds of metal, it is a thrill. It feels dangerous and powerful. It is dangerous and powerful. There is little between you and the pavement. Every time I ride, I must remain acutely aware of the vehicles around me, knowing that many will not notice where I am on the road. I need to look ahead in the distance, at the road to avoid potholes and other hazards, and side to side for turning cars, pedestrians, and animals. One careless moment can result in maiming or death. It helps to wear bright colors to be more visible and to continually look for escape routes if another driver stops suddenly or moves into your lane. In the evening on country roads, some of my rider friends honk their horns to keep deer from jumping onto the road.